Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (979)

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  (979): View more from Texas

  It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.

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  (979): It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/3krn
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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  (979): Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log. http://tfl.nu/tdyo
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other

  (1-979): View more from Texas

  LOL its 11 am

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  (979): Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other (1-979): LOL its 11 am http://tfl.nu/yfdw
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  (979): View more from Texas

  my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad

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  (979): my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad http://tfl.nu/r26e
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  Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That would explain all the random shit in my room...

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  (979): Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty. (512): That would explain all the random shit in my room... http://tfl.nu/75zy
  Replies (2) Good night (1457) Bad night (245)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.

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  (979): I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels. http://tfl.nu/it3k
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  I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame

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  (979): I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame http://tfl.nu/e04c
  Replies (13) Good night (392) Bad night (1247)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.

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  (979): It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people. http://tfl.nu/1jp1
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

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  (979): I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you. http://tfl.nu/kkcg
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  It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

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  (979): It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun. http://tfl.nu/ajrj
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  (979): View more from Texas

  A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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  (979): A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dqlo
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.

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  (979): Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties. http://tfl.nu/dl3v
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
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  She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?

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  (979): She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low? http://tfl.nu/2el8
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  (979): View more from Texas

  He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic

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  (979): He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic http://tfl.nu/8ocy
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