Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him