I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Holy shit dude........stairs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.