Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That was before I lit my hair on fire