Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (612)

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own

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  (612): I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own http://tfl.nu/8p1h
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  She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.

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  (612): She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/b3pk
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  I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways

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  (612): I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways http://tfl.nu/wwmk
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  I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

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  (612): I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket. http://tfl.nu/c7zs
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  rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.

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  (612): rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/9ytt
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  She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.

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  (612): She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again. http://tfl.nu/aifk
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  Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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  (612): Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me. http://tfl.nu/0mf7
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  What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

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  (612): What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains. http://tfl.nu/eu34
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  I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.

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  (612): I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/cvm1
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  i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.

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  (612): i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough. http://tfl.nu/e9ws
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  I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.

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  (612): I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies. http://tfl.nu/bycy
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  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

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  None of those words made sense together.

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  (612): So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life (1-612): None of those words made sense together. http://tfl.nu/fi74
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  it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust

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  (612): it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust http://tfl.nu/y8q4
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  she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.

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  (612): she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device. http://tfl.nu/3o4n
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  She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.

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  (612): She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask. http://tfl.nu/em4a
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