Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president