I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Holy shit dude........stairs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.