I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.