Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do