Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.