It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip