On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.