I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...