i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident