I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here