Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?