Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.