I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.