All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.