Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We should get drunk in walmart
20 minutes ago
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.