Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma