YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila