We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now