Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back