My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry mĂ©nage a trios in a closet.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...