I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..