I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.