I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.