None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday