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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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