I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.