I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.