You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?