Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft