So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp