i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.