Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.