Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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