Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (734)

Last Night in Michigan (734)

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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.

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(734): debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book. http://tfl.nu/o0qf

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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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(734): Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual. http://tfl.nu/o9rr

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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

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(734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70

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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

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(734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j

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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.

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(734): Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested. http://tfl.nu/xcij

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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?

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She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.

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(313): Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award? (734): She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy. http://tfl.nu/0kwr

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I wish I had a frozen water bed.

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best. idea. ever.

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(734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7

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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.

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(734): I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again. http://tfl.nu/x69l

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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that

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(734): I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that http://tfl.nu/jwk4

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i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light

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(734): i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light http://tfl.nu/t30l

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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

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(734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk

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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

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(734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj

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Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

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(734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy

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How was the bike ride?

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Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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(734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl

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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.

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(734): I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out. http://tfl.nu/oiev

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Last Night in Michigan (734)

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