I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him