All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.