You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
i can feel colors
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities