Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath