Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.