Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.