Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (773)

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  okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

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  (773): okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis. http://tfl.nu/pm2x
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  Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.

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  Can you see in?

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  (773): Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter. (1-773): Can you see in? http://tfl.nu/hc5g
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  If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar

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  (773): If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar http://tfl.nu/xi33
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  I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.

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  (773): I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever. http://tfl.nu/ci2r
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  Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.

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  (773): Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment. http://tfl.nu/iyng
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  And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.

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  That's my new pick up line call me a polish name

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  (773): And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad. (1-773): That's my new pick up line call me a polish name http://tfl.nu/jbx5
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  All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.

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  (773): All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now. http://tfl.nu/dqh8
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  blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.

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  (773): blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck. http://tfl.nu/370v
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  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
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  my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.

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  (773): my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka. http://tfl.nu/3a5u
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  He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.

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  (773): He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex. http://tfl.nu/oxcx
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  This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.

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  (773): This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real. http://tfl.nu/vkv3
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  I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

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  i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

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  (773): I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off. (847): i think the last part kind of negates the first part there http://tfl.nu/g7hy
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  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

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  (773): How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess http://tfl.nu/u340
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  I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil

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  (773): I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil http://tfl.nu/zlzm
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