Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.