I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?