But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.