Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (773)

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh 

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  (773): Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh  http://tfl.nu/ikbu
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  despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am

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  (773): despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am http://tfl.nu/0kp9
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  You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING

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  Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time

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  (773): You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING (1-773): Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time http://tfl.nu/yjp9
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  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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  (773): Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are http://tfl.nu/he1z
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  All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.

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  (773): All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that. http://tfl.nu/u65f
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  in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.

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  (773): in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already. http://tfl.nu/yc7m
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.

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  that bad?

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  u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.

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  (847): All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die. (773): that bad? (847): u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a. http://tfl.nu/aht0
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  I think I sprained my soul last night

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  (773): I think I sprained my soul last night http://tfl.nu/779v
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  No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face

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  (773): No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face http://tfl.nu/5tso
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  while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"

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  (773): while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future" http://tfl.nu/uwag
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  Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis

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  Just arrived at our party

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  (708): Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis (773): Just arrived at our party http://tfl.nu/7hao
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  I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st

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  (773): I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head. (847): Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st http://tfl.nu/ptod
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  Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.

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  (773): Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/cuh5
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  Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.

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  We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

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  (708): Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning. (773): We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we? http://tfl.nu/hntu
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.

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  (773): I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/53df
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