I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
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