So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death