I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think people are normalizing furries
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.