Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?