Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.

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  (434): After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused. http://tfl.nu/s2gl
  Replies (7) Good night (202) Bad night (570)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"

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  (941): It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard" http://tfl.nu/p10u
  Replies (2) Good night (198) Bad night (299)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons

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  (505): The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons http://tfl.nu/5vuo
  Replies (1) Good night (86) Bad night (259)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)

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  (703): so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one) http://tfl.nu/n24l
  Replies (1) Good night (223) Bad night (248)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.

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  (912): I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single. http://tfl.nu/n6zn
  Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (243)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.

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  (630): So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment. http://tfl.nu/55rw
  Replies (0) Good night (148) Bad night (237)
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  (650): View more from California

  you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'

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  (650): you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples' http://tfl.nu/p225
  Replies (0) Good night (162) Bad night (234)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl

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  (214): Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl http://tfl.nu/3o7f
  Replies (3) Good night (157) Bad night (232)
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  (909): View more from California

  WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.

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  (909): WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything. http://tfl.nu/do9j
  Replies (0) Good night (75) Bad night (228)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story

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  (815): not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story http://tfl.nu/tzip
  Replies (5) Good night (172) Bad night (212)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is Oprah even human

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  (239): Is Oprah even human http://tfl.nu/1pua
  Replies (2) Good night (183) Bad night (207)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall

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  (267): just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall http://tfl.nu/hcmp
  Replies (1) Good night (108) Bad night (206)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude

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  (407): I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude http://tfl.nu/p3sw
  Replies (1) Good night (120) Bad night (205)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month

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  (708): honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month http://tfl.nu/5sc5
  Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (204)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face

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  (702): bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face http://tfl.nu/efba
  Replies (0) Good night (125) Bad night (203)