His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨