Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.