Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache

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  (773): He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache http://tfl.nu/46b1
  Replies (9) Good night (138) Bad night (1078)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.

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  (716): I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand. http://tfl.nu/bl1h
  Replies (5) Good night (157) Bad night (646)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole

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  (757): Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole http://tfl.nu/7d8z
  Replies (2) Good night (134) Bad night (525)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...

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  (414): Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring... http://tfl.nu/8whu
  Replies (4) Good night (145) Bad night (508)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?

  (727): View more from Florida

  ME.

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  (980): Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed? (727): ME. http://tfl.nu/931b
  Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (472)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic

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  (865): On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic http://tfl.nu/e5gj
  Replies (2) Good night (124) Bad night (454)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.

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  (219): Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time. http://tfl.nu/f7se
  Replies (6) Good night (222) Bad night (440)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.

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  (816): Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs. http://tfl.nu/5gew
  Replies (0) Good night (258) Bad night (437)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks

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  (609): Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks http://tfl.nu/alp6
  Replies (5) Good night (107) Bad night (431)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.

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  (336): I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now. http://tfl.nu/ru0z
  Replies (5) Good night (94) Bad night (360)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?

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  (651): Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder? http://tfl.nu/8sji
  Replies (3) Good night (171) Bad night (357)
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  (805): View more from California

  you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends

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  (805): you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends http://tfl.nu/d359
  Replies (4) Good night (147) Bad night (347)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?

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  (240): You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then? http://tfl.nu/4u7q
  Replies (5) Good night (229) Bad night (323)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.

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  (727): You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again. http://tfl.nu/3xcj
  Replies (0) Good night (337) Bad night (301)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.

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  (956): If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so. http://tfl.nu/rl8c
  Replies (1) Good night (161) Bad night (297)