Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything

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  (603): Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything http://tfl.nu/pfkq
  Replies (5) Good night (212) Bad night (573)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?

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  (603): What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time? http://tfl.nu/dfic
  Replies (9) Good night (108) Bad night (502)
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  (925): View more from California

  I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...

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  (925): I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis... http://tfl.nu/k30a
  Replies (1) Good night (190) Bad night (474)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?

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  (215): What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"? http://tfl.nu/jmdv
  Replies (18) Good night (191) Bad night (429)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.

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  (517): Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into. http://tfl.nu/xhgf
  Replies (2) Good night (91) Bad night (357)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..

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  (905): You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr.. http://tfl.nu/wzin
  Replies (1) Good night (187) Bad night (315)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.

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  (928): I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples. http://tfl.nu/38j9
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (311)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.

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  (720): Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober. http://tfl.nu/9fj5
  Replies (2) Good night (128) Bad night (307)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands

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  (610): This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands http://tfl.nu/sjql
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (305)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.

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  (715): I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class. http://tfl.nu/rdgm
  Replies (3) Good night (199) Bad night (298)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.

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  (303): Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win. http://tfl.nu/fxme
  Replies (2) Good night (243) Bad night (292)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout

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  (713): Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout http://tfl.nu/4b12
  Replies (1) Good night (193) Bad night (292)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.

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  (702): Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional. http://tfl.nu/j7mu
  Replies (1) Good night (104) Bad night (290)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.

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  (781): I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt. http://tfl.nu/aqol
  Replies (2) Good night (145) Bad night (289)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!

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  (404): Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?! http://tfl.nu/p40q
  Replies (0) Good night (317) Bad night (277)