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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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