He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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