Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.