that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.