I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.