I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick