Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic