Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You don't make any sense
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What the fuck dude?
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met