I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?