Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (214)

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.

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  (214): Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff. http://tfl.nu/wfam
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  Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.

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  (214): Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time. http://tfl.nu/18ab
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  She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.

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  (214): She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water. http://tfl.nu/39g2
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  Do you have any booze?

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  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
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  Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

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  (214): Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up http://tfl.nu/l4k9
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  well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.

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  (214): well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1ijf
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  How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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  (214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink? http://tfl.nu/kd28
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  As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.

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  (214): As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight. http://tfl.nu/njgf
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  you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.

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  (214): you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more. http://tfl.nu/8xes
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  It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.

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  (214): It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad. http://tfl.nu/hqh8
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  My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.

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  (214): My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down. http://tfl.nu/p7qt
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  My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.

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  (214): My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/7yfd
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  Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.

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  (214): Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house. http://tfl.nu/po12
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  He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks

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  (214): He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks http://tfl.nu/xm8f
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  I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.

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  (214): I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/67tg
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