I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...