just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
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