Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
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