No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you