You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other