Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown