The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately