We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Enjoy the penises