Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.