easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.