Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (978)

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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  (978): The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty. http://tfl.nu/l80d
  Replies (10) Good night (1487) Bad night (200)
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  Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus

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  (978): Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus http://tfl.nu/uqkq
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  i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food

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  (978): i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food http://tfl.nu/q8kr
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  Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)

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  (978): Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :) http://tfl.nu/2ww0
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  It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great

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  (978): It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great http://tfl.nu/o9gd
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  The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

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  Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

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  (978): The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up... (978): Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis? http://tfl.nu/mb06
  Replies (11) Good night (821) Bad night (2692)
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  Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN

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  (978): Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN http://tfl.nu/dg4w
  Replies (5) Good night (1998) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.

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  I could have done it in 2

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  (917): Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts. (978): I could have done it in 2 http://tfl.nu/64hz
  Replies (7) Good night (2726) Bad night (284)
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  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

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  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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  (978): Why do you think it's a no-pants party? (603): Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation. http://tfl.nu/hg9g
  Replies (4) Good night (2489) Bad night (295)
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  I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.

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  I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.

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  (978): I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest. (1-978): I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text. http://tfl.nu/56wf
  Replies (4) Good night (1303) Bad night (314)
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  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
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  (518): View more from New York

  Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?

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  Can't be the first without the last

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  (518): Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics? (978): Can't be the first without the last http://tfl.nu/ya96
  Replies (5) Good night (2003) Bad night (322)
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  he's just a really huge penis that sells weed

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  (978): he's just a really huge penis that sells weed http://tfl.nu/ammy
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  we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.

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  (978): we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on. http://tfl.nu/cjzk
  Replies (4) Good night (2856) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.

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  (978): just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins. http://tfl.nu/d5im
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