I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...