My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?