thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.