I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.