he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....