Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this