So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records