Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra