A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?