I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...