just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting