Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
what food is Colorado known for?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off