Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (972)

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  The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard

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  OHHH and there was a Batman too.

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  (972): The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard (972): OHHH and there was a Batman too. http://tfl.nu/jx09
  Replies (12) Good night (1010) Bad night (265)
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  I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.

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  (972): I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in. http://tfl.nu/6wlf
  Replies (16) Good night (653) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
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  Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.

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  (972): Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention. http://tfl.nu/nbnk
  Replies (21) Good night (386) Bad night (2207) Order T-Shirt
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  Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.

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  (972): Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate. http://tfl.nu/fawd
  Replies (5) Good night (1226) Bad night (367)
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  I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.

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  (972): I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life. http://tfl.nu/aoji
  Replies (8) Good night (629) Bad night (722)
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  About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.

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  (972): About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised. http://tfl.nu/d2m0
  Replies (5) Good night (1187) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
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  honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa

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  (972): honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa http://tfl.nu/ld2g
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  Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.

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  (972): Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. http://tfl.nu/pnw4
  Replies (9) Good night (1675) Bad night (363)
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  I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.

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  (972): I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me. http://tfl.nu/5z1z
  Replies (3) Good night (1665) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult

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  (972): Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult http://tfl.nu/j3hz
  Replies (5) Good night (953) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

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  (972): I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper. http://tfl.nu/qsqq
  Replies (7) Good night (1761) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.

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  (972): Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life. http://tfl.nu/6m4u
  Replies (8) Good night (1964) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.

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  elevator sex. pronto.

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  (972): the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me. (214): elevator sex. pronto. http://tfl.nu/j5vd
  Replies (5) Good night (2245) Bad night (495)
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  I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

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  Does it taste like semen?

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  (972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv
  Replies (10) Good night (3742) Bad night (860)
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  I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.

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  (972): I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success. http://tfl.nu/i1ko
  Replies (5) Good night (2736) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt