I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?