I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
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DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS