I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is