i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs