Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.