The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head