Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Follow @tfln