And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.