I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
And then he peed in my hair
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does