I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
bring money and cleavage
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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