So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes