Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (580)

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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.

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  (580): I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots. http://tfl.nu/rb8t
  Replies (1) Good night (675) Bad night (149) Order T-Shirt
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  I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.

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  (580): I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian. http://tfl.nu/4ukn
  Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (129) Order T-Shirt
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  Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?

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  First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?

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  (580): Why is there a muffler in the livingroom? (405): First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance? http://tfl.nu/9zfd
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (840)
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  Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...

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  (580): Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass... http://tfl.nu/ix5i
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out

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  (580): Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out http://tfl.nu/fusv
  Replies (13) Good night (757) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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  The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.

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  (580): The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference. http://tfl.nu/nnsg
  Replies (9) Good night (429) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
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  It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.

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  (580): It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck. http://tfl.nu/h6bo
  Replies (6) Good night (492) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
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  Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??

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  (580): Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come?? http://tfl.nu/rcqs
  Replies (7) Good night (1004) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting

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  (580): This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting http://tfl.nu/ouax
  Replies (9) Good night (844) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
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  the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.

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  (580): the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that. http://tfl.nu/mchf
  Replies (14) Good night (2062) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.

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  (580): The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive. http://tfl.nu/8405
  Replies (7) Good night (925) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
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  There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...

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  (580): There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber... http://tfl.nu/bvkz
  Replies (5) Good night (1060) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
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  VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!

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  I'm not seeing this movie with you.

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  (405): VAGINAS ASSEMBLE! (580): I'm not seeing this movie with you. http://tfl.nu/6pon
  Replies (9) Good night (1359) Bad night (802)
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  My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language

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  (580): My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language http://tfl.nu/nvb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1535) Bad night (424)