At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.