had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
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Good thing he wasnt eating pringles..
I think the empty doritos bag was a substitute for a chick, not a condom.
ouch in every way for everyone involved. salt in the penis - ouch. scratches in the vag - ouch. Not one to repeat.
That is fucking disgusting. I hope you like your dick to smell like bleu cheese and buffalo wings.
Honestly...that sounds yummy lol. He might take that as a compliment.
Ziplock +big rubberband works
that would be painful for all parties involved.
If this is real, you're a jackass.
that doesn't even seem possible. sorry, bro. you took it one too far:(
this is soo fake
its not even funny
I've never wanted to hit the bad night button so many times in my life.
maybe it means that he masturbated in it... like for easy clean up?
What about the sharp bag corners? Wouldn't that poke? Oh and your "buddy" would be greasy? Disgusting.
Fake and ghey
this site is really going downhill if they're posting this crap up and they didn't post any of the ones I kow have been sent in and are way the hell funnier
this is from the Ali G. Show... Old
People at my school have done shit like this before... I believe this.
Wouldn't that hurt?!?!?!?!
Omg...8th grade health class...kid legit asked if he could use a doritos bag as a condom....this made me laugh
............wuht der f!
L!$+3n 3v3ry0n3, y@ll $h0uld b3 pr0ud 0f wh0 y0u !z @nd n0+ l3+ !gn0r@n+ fuck$ g3+ !n y0 w@y...@!gh+ !m 0u+
So totally fake
My friend once used serran wrap
That's from the Ali G show.
i knew a kid who used a grocery bag, don't doubt the desperation
this is a joke from ali g.
No way any self-respecting girl let you stick a doritos bag in her...I don't even think a girl with NO self-respect would let you do that....FAKE.
i once did it with a sandwich bag ha
i actually know someone who did that same thing once
this site is beginning to suck
saran wrap is one thing, and i might even believe snickers wrapper, but there is no way any idiot would wrap his dick in a doritos bag.
unless he wasn't interested in pleasure, just punishing whoever was on the receiving end.
^ bahahahaha, true story
also, i think 10:35 and 10:38 are gonna hook up, somehow
yea this is definitely from an episode of the ali g show. i'll give the guy credit for watching it
It's really patheticwhen you have to resort to lifting quotes from imdb just to prove what an attention whore you are.
saran wrap.. learned that one in my human sexuality class.. haha try that NEXT time you dont have a condom
that cant be sanitary
that'd smell good. not. ew.
How bout we do a web search (TFM) b4 posting?
fake its from Da Ali G show
thats from bruno you fucking stealer
It's just starting to suck? Every other text on here is either a movie or song quote, or something so stupidly exaggerated, it sounds like it came off the cutting room floor from a Dane Cook meets National Lampoon meets Girls Gone Wild mash-up.
Why does everyone cry "fake"? Obviously it's fake, we get that, not every text you send someone has to be a literal story of what took place
9:06 you have it EXACTLY right. Thank you.
this is totally fake.. no way possible can someone actually manage to use a chips bag..
Haha 9:06 well put. it was funny at first but the novelty has worn off. maybe it is time for a stricter application and submittle process
Hopefully they weren't the flamin hot kind
Who the fuck is screening these? This site used to be funny. Someone suggest a new site for me to waste time with.
It's not the worst story i've ever heard of a make-shift condom.
A friend of a friend knew a girl who had sex with a guy in a gutter using a Walmart bag as a condom.
11:34 FUCK OFF FUCK FUCKER
Sorry if that came off wrong. I wasn't saying it was ripped off, just that it reminded me of that bit.
you know as much as we hate to admit it there are tramps in this world unfortunatly some get acces to the web and this is what were left with!
Fake or not it's still good for a laugh
That just sounds unpleasant to the cooter!
how the hell does that work
9:55 ... it's not even funny, go crawl in a hole and die also.
i hope it was the blue dorito bag!
281= the worst texts ever
it's believable.. i know a girl who let both saran wrap- and snickers wrapper- covered dick into her in one night.
9:36PM I'd personally just leave if some tool wrapped a doritos bag around it and was actually serious...
Hahaha so true.
10:47 I'm laughing so hard at that....you fuckin stealer
slut much? you need dick THAT bad you have to use a doritos bag... wow
FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKE
10:04 it was legit...
the only thing more annoying then people talking about how much this site now sucks is people claiming that their HILARIOUS texties didn't make it on.
Someone told me about this site and I thought the idea sounded legit funny. But posts like this are ridiculous, unfunny, overdone... I mean, most of them are, it seems. I hope the editors start getting a bit more choosy instead of publishing every fake sex text that gets fabricated and submitted.
Yeah what the hell my texts that I send in never show up either. I wonder if any are real because I have submitted funny legit ones twice and they never show up
This site seems to be nearing rock bottom
fake or not ... old or new ... i'd say FAIL anyway you look at it
Was it a standard or fun-size bag?
this shit gets through, yet mine that have been submitted have yet to be posted. Pretty messed upppppp.
woke up naked on my couch with Jesse in my bed upside down ad the bed soaked... His gf was naked on the couch next to me... Good night? Bad night?
Mmmmm doritos yummy
Mostly. Please tell me you were male and masturbating. I can respect that.
Pull out instead? Just sayin
I know a guy who as a teenager used a plastic grocery bag... so this isn't all that improbable.
That must have turned out bad....
Omg soo freaking funny I would of been like can u at least use a chitto bag
thats from the ali g show the guy that does borat and bruno but nice try
How did you even fit it all into her vagina ? Either you're small as fuck or she's loose.. Was it like throwing a pencil down a hallway ? That's funny. LMAO
No dumbass, they're supposed to be funny.
you couldn't just go to the store and buy one?
will you name the baby after this? it would make a great story, just saying...
the vag was that big huh? did you need powdered sugar to locate it. it ain't easy being cheesy.
9:55 nice logic. plz have the sex with me.
maybe they were using it to store drugs 'internally' ???
as a girl i say...ouch
No way this is real. I would never let a guy stick that in me! And if it is he should have just asked for head. But I'd personally just leave if some tool wrapped a dorittos bag around it and was actually serious...
10: 40 hah you are a genius
Clearly there are only 3 intelligent people on this thread who recognize this as a lame ali g rip. The rest of you trying to debate whether or not its real are tragically retarded
9:59 - Sounds like something from Bill Engvall. "Touch means go. Push means no."
If we wanna read movie quotes, we'll go to imdb.
I love the resourcefullness, but you probably could have done a little better than a doritos bag.
you disgust me. and i don't really beileve this. there is no effin way this actually happened.
Someone at my school did this with a Dillards bag. Unfortunately....I believe this is true.
my vagina hurts reading this.
What about like the corners and stuff wouldn't that hurt??
just because it didn't happen doesnt mean the text is fake... it could be a real text describing a fake incident.
F**king proud to live in Houston right now. Which is worse: the thought that someone would actually have sex using a doritos bag or that someone would think it's funny to lie about it. Whatever. This site was funny at first.
1023 no worries but seriously are those not better than a lot of these fake ones
mmm who doesn't like sex with doritoes
Real. But if he had said cheetos, fake.
A doritoes bad? CHODE
Your official nick name shall be dorito bag
Douchebag! Douchebag! Get your yearly douchebag!
I heard of a similar story about some ppl I know.
No fucking way no fucking way. PENGUINS RESIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like a good night to me
It better of a least been a bag of cool ranch, they r the best
this can't possibly be real.
And seriously, the ACTUAL thing I submitted never got published. And it was a hilarious booty call text.
How would you even feel anything????
i guess all of you have never sent a joke text or a text that was a quote from a movie or w.e. everybody gets so mad for no reason. remember, these are supposed to be stupid texts.. idiots.
Now that's what I call "cool ranch" !.... wutever my grandma calls me funny
Omg funniest shit I've seen on here
man i just started checking this site out today and submitted a funny one from last night and now i read this... does it really suck this bad?
No. This is not okay.
Sugarland?? Houston! This is my area code xD
Nice quote from ali g. Fake. Respek
But.... and you.... owwwwwww, thats just wrong... wtf just deal with a b/j.... what kind of dude are you not bringing a condom anyway
If you're going to text a friend a movie quote, fine, whatever. Why would you send it in, making it seem like you thought of it? I'm sure any of us can find transcripts to shit we've seen on TV. Should we all just copy and paste funny parts of the script and send it in like it's a real text?
since tfln is starting to suck, everyone should post the texts that they think should have made it onto the feed on here.
Nacho cheese inside of me :D
I bet ppl send them in because they are dumb and don't realize it's a movie quote... And think their friends are hilarious
Are your pants on fire........YOU FUCKING LYING FUCK!!!!!??????!!!! It's not even possible for sooo many reasons. Idiot. "I once knew this guy who.........." shut the fuck up.
You are fuckin dumb my boyfriend doesn't even use a condom !
OHHH NO YOU DIDNt!!. how? like a rubber band or? errrr. PAIN!!
To everyone who doesn't bother to read, 6/24 9:03 p.m. pegged it: This is from Da Ali G Show.
THE MODS SUCK ON THIS SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
very funny too bad its total bullshit ya cheese dick retard you cant use a doritos bag on a tic tac dick!
Cum cheese = nasty do the math
fake or not. only in fucking TEXAS would this happen. trash. puke.
Improvising. I live it!
In soviet Russia doritos bag uses you 925 migggggga
She must be desperate or a dumb fuck
maybe he pulled out and finished in the bag???????
sandwich bags do work seeing that its been nine months but you should prolly be real drunk before attemoting
Someones going to be getting an unpleasant phone call in nine months.
Houston...why you so classy?
I've done that before... Can't feel anything!
the girl at work just asked me if I wanted to visit the HR bathroom....the irony
noooo way, i saw that episode tooo
honestly, im sure this was a joke. dont freak out.
Definitely. But, if you're not talking about drunkenly licking crack rocks off your boss's daughter's nipples and accidentally sending the text to your mother while your friend brags that his dorm room fridge has more kinds of beer than actual food items in it, obviously you're not cool enough to be accepted!
I thought we were having wild ape sex last night..
You were asleep
I opened an eye that is a greenlight
5:43, you got that from "1,000 ways to die" on
it's definitely from the ali g show skit about abortion, the fuckhead copied.
This wouldn't even work and is fuckin dumb
hopefully you ate the crumbs before..that's the best part!
Oh I beg to differ...it can happen! Epic move
this is fake. fake. fake. fake. poor attempt at a good post
I have a buddy that used his empty weed baggie.
OKAY DANE COOK
Imagine reaching into a doritos bag and finding that it's sticky....
you should have to FWD texts to the site or to a number for them to be accepted and posted. seriously.
5:43, you're an idiot. Women rip their vags giving birth. Dumb.
Might hurt cuz the sides of the bag are sharp
Well, you have to improvise.
did he use a funion as cock ring?
Oh god I hope this is fake...
Shouldve used a Ruffles bag... Then you could say it was "ridged" for her pleasure.
Dude thats awesome not bad
Nice quick thinking
Sooooo full of shit, amazing what stupid crap they allow on this thing!!!
Ha ha wow best 1 ever
This is the first one of seen from Houston. Props man
Wait, who gets the side with the dorito crumbs? That would hurt...
I think that says more about the girl that let you do that then it does about you. Either way your both idiots
was that snack pack size?
You do realize you could kill someone like that, Right?
Honestly, If you get a rip in your vag, its fatal. A girl got cut inside her vag with a carrot that had a sharp edge and immediately died.
OH. MY. GOD.
I hope this text was referring to a Canadian Butter Churn...
And 12:59 is a fuckin moron if he beleives this shit too!!!
no you didn't you poser. get a life! douche knuckle
Sugarland fucking rules
Cracked the hell up when I saw this lol but I love dem doritos!!!
I got it with a cvs bag once. No joke.
dude just use a finger from a glove, and lube it
funny, but way funnnier when Ali G said it 5 years ago.
You would think it wouldn't stay on...she must have been desperate huh?
10:41 wouldn't that be to small??
Sugarland fucking rules bro
That is gross haha I bet that what a shitty round lol(:
I know a friend who did this with a fucking sandwich baggie and a rubber band. Chick took it like a trooper. You gotta love rednecks.
Nastay! What poor girl put up with that shit??
A gentleman goes cheese side in, but if you're going to do oral go cheese side out.
that defeats the whole purpose of sex..
Wow my area code the stupid assholes here
would do that type of thing but of the up side
this is the 1st one I have seen from Houston
That's from Ali G.......
"That is fucking disgusting. I hope you like your dick to smell like bleu cheese and buffalo wings."
That's Texas for ya.
Maybe, he was talking about a quick clean-up for beating off?
Wow. That would hurt the girl lol ur a tard
That's ridiculous. Couldn't happen.
You're think your dick is WAAAAAAAY bigger than it is in reality.You know,you could've just asked the chick if she had a rubber thimble on hand.
... i am so sorry. lmfao
People who r saying this is fake and then using the time that the person posted something to call them out makes u an even bigger looser then the person who posted this
Pathetic... Sick and pathetic.
What kind of nasty ass chick would go along with that? Any chick that's ok with that you definitely want to have some sort of barrier between your dick and her rotten pussy. God knows what else shes had up there already. You're both nasty ass fuckers that's all I know