Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I touched a dick in church today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."