hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..