Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I touched a dick in church today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"