Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world