Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I deserve this hangover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.