Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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