My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.