Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (251)

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.

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  (251): You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick. http://tfl.nu/r3wg
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  Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?

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  (251): Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails? http://tfl.nu/r64b
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  My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay

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  (251): My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay http://tfl.nu/tgej
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  Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

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  (251): Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile. http://tfl.nu/y0n1
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  We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.

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  (251): We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies. http://tfl.nu/6jxt
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  We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.

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  (251): We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan. http://tfl.nu/qlyy
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  You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.

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  (251): You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER. http://tfl.nu/1azh
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  my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.

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  (251): my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car. http://tfl.nu/1aw9
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  PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.

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  (251): PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE. http://tfl.nu/woue
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  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

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  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2080) Bad night (643)
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  when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight

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  (251): when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight http://tfl.nu/vlsg
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  dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists

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  (251): dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists http://tfl.nu/lizw
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  my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day

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  (251): my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day http://tfl.nu/3vt7
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  I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.

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  (251): I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either. http://tfl.nu/mrji
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  Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.

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  (251): Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night. http://tfl.nu/kxkv
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