I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.