I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.