at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.