Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.