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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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