Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The beer is more important than you right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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