I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm always down for nudity.
How did you get so drunk?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.