Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (717)

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?

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  (717): where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from? http://tfl.nu/obbh
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  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

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  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
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  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

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  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
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  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

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  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
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  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

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  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.

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  (717): Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze. http://tfl.nu/xfyl
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  good thing vaginas are great cup holders

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  (717): good thing vaginas are great cup holders http://tfl.nu/j578
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  you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

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  (717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl
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  just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete

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  (717): just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete http://tfl.nu/yzxp
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  I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...

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  (717): I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine... http://tfl.nu/s1vo
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  Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge

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  (717): Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge http://tfl.nu/tbkl
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  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
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  So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.

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  (717): So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia. http://tfl.nu/uo67
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  My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.

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  (717): My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential. http://tfl.nu/qhq9
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation

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  (717): this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation http://tfl.nu/knkc
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