Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!