where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Follow TFLN on Twitter