thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.