I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.