cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!