my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?