I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit