well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"