Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.