Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Missouri (573)

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  Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?

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  Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.

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  (573): Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls? (816): Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do. http://tfl.nu/ewbx
  Replies (2) Good night (873) Bad night (117)
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  I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..

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  (573): I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding.. http://tfl.nu/ukti
  Replies (5) Good night (280) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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  (573): Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals http://tfl.nu/3npx
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.

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  (573): It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children. http://tfl.nu/cjdr
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.

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  (573): Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car. http://tfl.nu/jvos
  Replies (1) Good night (191) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
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  I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.

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  (573): I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh. http://tfl.nu/ykfv
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
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  I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.

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  (573): I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/e7oe
  Replies (5) Good night (632) Bad night (271)
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  Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"

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  (573): Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/taab
  Replies (3) Good night (312) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..

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  (573): I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember.. http://tfl.nu/rkzm
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
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  Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.

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  (573): Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them. http://tfl.nu/c182
  Replies (8) Good night (732) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times

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  (573): You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times http://tfl.nu/9yzl
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  Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?

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  (573): Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do? http://tfl.nu/m41p
  Replies (4) Good night (495) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt
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  You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.

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  (573): You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night. http://tfl.nu/alam
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  Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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  (573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/6pfl
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.

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  (573): I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room. http://tfl.nu/g1i7
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt