I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.