I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless