It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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