Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.